Friday, May 29, 2009

where has the time gone?

well...I haven't blogged in basically a month because, well, the moments I have are minimal and consumed with other things. I miss blogging and think it will get better has time goes on, but for right now, they are probably going to be a once a month occurrence.

I am sitting in Java Junction, just rocked Jackson to sleep in his car seat and hope he stays asleep long enough for me to finish this post. But my brain doesn't work as fast as it used to, and every brain synapses seems delayed. I have enjoyed my soon-to-be 11 weeks off. (I think it's been 11. I cant count anymore.) I can't believe it has been that long. I probably could take 6 months off and have it fly by, too. I have been dealing with a lot of "enjoy this moment while it lasts" comments. Have I cherished every moment? Honestly, no. I have had my fair share of irritating moments when I can't console Jack or he's pooped on me or spat up on my outfit - twice - and have felt a twinge of, i'm not sure the feeling, but it isn't a happy one. I don't even remember the first 6 weeks. He's already not a newborn anymore. I am packing away his newborn clothes. He's not much of a cuddler, so those days have passed. Can you truly enjoy every moment? I get depressed thinking he'll soon be rolling over, sitting up, walking and talking and then graduate high school. Will I enjoy each moment? I hope so. Will I wish he could be at the next developmental level? Probably. I'm not looking forward to the "why" stage or the black-and-white-concrete-operational stage.

All this to say, I don't know. Enjoying the moment is hard when life moves faster than it ever has before. All I know is that I want him to know in every fiber of his being how much Mike and I love him and how much God loves him. Even when we find ourselves having to discipline or have hard talks. We love him. Jesus loves him. Unconditionally.

I think I will enjoy this moment today, sitting in Java J, loving my little guy. And thankfully, he's still asleep.

1 comment:

Mamatoosi said...

you are so wise and funny. you are doing great! even if it doesn't always feel like it. and don't worry, it's normal to want to strangle your kid. at least I hope so!