21

when i was a kid, i thought that anyone over the age of 22 must to be "grown up".  you are done with college, probably got married, and i figured I'd have 2 kids by 26 because I'd be "grown up" enough. i'm slightly weirded out because I'll be 27 in May and don't "feel" the age i'll be. Most days, I feel 21. And it really feels like yesterday that I was 21. not that 6 years is a huge age gap, but every year, the number increases, but i feel the same. 

i can't help but wonder am I grown up enough? am i responsible enough? stable enough? i think kids scare me because you really "grow up" when they are dependent on you constantly. that kind of freaks me out. i'm not sure if i'm ready to grow up just yet, this is realm of adulthood. but i can't help but wonder if I will ever feel it. maybe you don't. you're just thrown into responsibility, you don't wake up one morning and say, "boy, I feel like i'm now super adult and mrs. responsibility". i think that will be what happens to me. 

i guess i will eternally be 21 inside no matter if i have 2 kids attached to my hip. I'll just do my best to not dress 21 when i'm 55 and borrow my daughter's clothes (too much). 

give...me...energy...

look, this is going to sound ridiculous but I have so much energy today after taking my New Chapter B vitamins (and my regular vitamins). I have energy (yet i still have the film of tiredness I usually feel :)) and feel like I could be really, really productive today (if i wanted to be). And I have only had one cup of coffee. 

ONE.

B vitamins = crack for the health fiend.   

Ugh...the English language

lately, i have been feeling very frustrated at the english language and it's limited vocabulary. i know that i have a limited vocabulary and usually sum up everything as "awesome" "cool" "amazing" if things are good and "sucks" "no good" and other wonderful words when i am describing what I am feeling or thinking. 

The Hebrew and Greek languages had lots of words to say the word "love". you knew you were talking about a deep intimate love with one word, and a brotherly love in another. sometimes I feel like I'm trying to explain the magnitude of my feelings and really can't find the words to accurately describe it-like i need to create new words to explain it or read a thesaurus everyday to learn new words (they we dont use on a regular basis, and then have to define it to others). that's probably why swear words are so attractive in our culture-they explain something that we just can't find words for (especially at 13). 

(random side note: up till right now, it feels that what I am writing is a Rob Bell video and someone could be videotaping me as I walk and share this like in a subway station or something).

so i am feeling let down by the language we use on a daily basis. i want the words to describe all that i am internally meditating on and I am stuck. Anyone want to join me and we could resurrect Koine greek?